good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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