Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
