Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
