I'm so fucking centered right now
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
