did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
