you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
