Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
This is my gift to your gina
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
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