Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
