Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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