home. puking in laundry basket.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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