I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
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