Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Randomize
