You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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