God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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