All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
