I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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