I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
