and i looked up. we had an audience...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
