i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
