Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
