I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
