9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
