Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
