where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just gift wrapped bread.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
