Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
