She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
