I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
