After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
