i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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