she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
