Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
