awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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