I'm drive I can fine osifer
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
