I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
