I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
