I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
