When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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