We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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