I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
