To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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