My Higher Power is John Stamos
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
