take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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