Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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