that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
