The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
