okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
