There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
