i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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