you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
