I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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