We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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