i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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